A World We Do Not Agree With

"It feels like you're fighting against the world to be heard, to be seen, to be valued, to be respected."

We do not agree with many things society does and how it's run and how it's being led. I haven't even felt that I belonged enough in this society to care enough to want to change its policies. Often being a minority presence, a minority energy in a vast space, it feels like you're fighting against the world to be heard, to be seen, to be valued, to be respected. And I'm reaching a point on my journey where I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of trying to prove myself. I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of stressing. I'm tired of being tired. 

What seems to be what I truly want to embrace is rest, a deep core rest. Rest, so that I can allow my nervous system some peace in stillness enough to recalibrate, to heal, to redefine what it feels like to be a human on Earth because it has felt like a fight, a struggle for a very long time. When it's a fight you don't think you're going to win anymore —in conjunction with a fight you don't think will ever end… that's where we get trapped in the box, in the illusion, that life is not worth living. If you've been following my journey, I've been very open about struggling with suicidal ideation. But I've come to accept that it is not that I want to die. I just went to sleep. I want to be left alone, and I want to be supported and cared for and protected.

I'm finding myself in that space, in the refuge of my twin flame, my kingdom spouse, my soon-to-be husband, who’s doing everything in his power to make sure that I am receiving all of those things. And it scares me. I resist it. I'm afraid of it because I've never really known it. Not to this extent, not this type of genuine love and kindness from another human being. 

So now the fight is not just survival and coping with isolation and feeling alone in this world; now the fight is me allowing myself to receive. He can't fulfill everything, of course. He's not a perfect being. Our divine counterpart is not going to be a perfect being. They are not meant to complete us or to save us, they are divine reflections of us meant to grow us into the highest version of ourselves. The challenge of my growth that this union is reflecting back to me is that of allowing someone to help me, allowing someone in, and to not be this hyper-independent spiritual warrior (which is who I warned him I was in the beginning).

As our love began to grow more, I have increasingly become more soft and squishy of a woman who cries a lot and does not want to tolerate too much lifting right now. This is a new version of myself. I've always been a very tomboyish girl growing up. Always strived for success, always sought to win at everything I've ever done, and wanted to be the best. That’s a very masculine energy that is retiring now, and the divine feminine, the divine mother, is now rising within me. Her energy is extremely contradictory, not only to what I've ever known within myself, but what is more so embraced by my culture, by my society, by the country I live in. 

It is very hyper-masculine in this society, capitalism, and I find myself still trying to tap in and really encourage all of you to start your own spiritual businesses and to join me on this journey, this path of entrepreneurship. At the same time, I have to hold back and feel and allow all the emotions of everyone who reaches out to flow through me, and it's uncomfortable. 

To be a woman, to be in the divine feminine energy —which you can and should be tapping into even if you are a man in the physical—the divine feminine energy does not get the reward right away, the dopamine fixed right away. Life is not so structured and rigid. It is not a nine-to-five. Divine feminine energy is a flow that comes in waves. There are cycles of nature that she adheres to. So as the feminine in business in this life where I'm seeded on earth, the money comes in waves, the clients come in waves, and the views on YouTube come in waves. The book purchases come in waves. But if it's not steady, if it's not robotic, then I don't trust myself, I don't believe in myself, I don't see myself as worthy or valuable because that's not what my culture in my society has taught me.

Society has not trained me to be this way, this fluid, this trusting of the universe. I can't be this trusting of my soon-to-be husband. I can't allow myself to rest in the feminine energy because he may lose respect for me or may find that I don't have gratitude for what he does for me unless I am laboring, unless I am slaving away at something as a man is. 

I want to encourage, whether you are a “man” or a “woman,” to allow rest, to allow the flow in the phases and the waves of life. And if you're tired, let it go. It's okay to let go because in rest, that is when God and the angels and our ancestors of the highest, highest, highest love beyond this Earth can truly come in and assist us and do the work with us. When we are in full surrender, full rest, that is when divine work is truly being done. When our human is out of the way. This is obvious, for when we are rested, we are able to perform in the physical much better. 

So we cannot force our way through things as a conscious creative, as a conscious business owner, as the artist we are, the mothers and fathers, and husbands and wives. We have to work in counterpart, in union with unseen forces. And if you're like me and you live in a country or society that is anti-feminine, there is a war on the feminine, on the Earth Mother, it is our most sacred duty to resist the urge to not be ourselves, to not be in peace, to not be in rest, to not be in trust.

I pray you join me in this resistance, in this renaissance of what work looks like, what art is, what music sounds like, and what a beautiful life can truly be. So, thank you for joining me on this path. If I can be of service to you, please reach out to me. At consciouslifestylecoaching.com you'll find my resources, books, the Life Purpose Actualization three-month coaching program, and of course, you can book a one-on-one session with me at any time. You can learn more about what that means at consciouslifestylecoaching.com/clarity. 

Thank you again for all the work you're doing. Even if that's just resting and grounding the vibration of love here on earth. Every moment of your life is significant. Significant to the ascension of Earth towards union, towards love and peace. I wish you love and peace on your journey. 

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