How I Knew My Husband Was The One

"This was a little bit after the period where I gave up on finding the perfect man. I detached from my Christian friends, and I was reclaiming who I was as a holistic person."

I spent six years praying for my husband, which in the beginning ended a five-year relationship. We were growing apart anyway, and I was a woman who moved with the wind and did what she wanted, and he wanted that same opportunity. Ever since I was a little girl, however, God had always whispered to me that I would be married and raise my own family. I had never felt loved growing up, so this vision was always a sacred promise.  

I had moved to another state by myself, and I spent the next few years of my life on a spiritual sabbatical, exploring new communities and cultivating a new alternative and holistic lifestyle. At that time, I was deeply healing my "father wound." So I was manifesting purely platonic relationships, but often they were so amazing of relationships I had wished and often wondered if they were supposed to be more. I went three years without having sex, and I went on a date or two with a man and often ended things and went my separate way when things would have the potential of escalating into physical intimacy. That narrowed down the dating pool. I was focused at the time on exploring and honoring who I was in my life and building my career. At that time, during my spiritual studies, I was led to join a Christian community, and again, I was healing that father wound, so getting to know Jesus was super important for me. 

The most profound moment where I asked Jesus to guide me and be with me during my single season was when I was in the desert in Arizona, and I was literally lost and overheated and dying of thirst, and I asked Jesus if he was real, to come help me. At that moment, I was fortunately saved by a van of young people, just like me, who scooped me up in their car and dropped me off at the trail I wanted to go to. I swam in the Virgin River, and I committed to celibacy, which sounds like a funny story, but it was the exact ceremony I needed to commit. So I was going to church, I was wearing my celibacy ring, and I just knew I was going to save myself for my husband, so I continued to be in prayer – to learn how to truly pray, and ultimately my prayers were shaped into God teaching me how to be a wife. 

Now, that was one of the hardest prayers that were prayed because when you're studying Christianity, you learn that God asks women to be wives before a husband comes into her life. So I was homemaking, dressing more modestly, gardening, and building community. I was doing amazing things with my career, where I was able to publish books and film documentaries. I was having a blast exploring mountains and having incredible experiences that, should I have stayed in a cozy hometown relationship, would have robbed me from really developing into the woman I am today. 

My prayers of learning how to be a wife were asking me to be extremely disciplined in how I carry myself. I was volunteering so much of my time, cooking for sick people and serving others. God asked me to be sober and let go of my smoking habits if I wanted to be a mother, which I did for a while. I gave up after a year. Sometimes you get tired and you lose faith a little bit, and then you just have to pick yourself back up. I gave up my celibacy at some point, and that was the lowest point of my life. But it was also a deeply transformative and eye-opening time for me. I let go of my faith for a moment and put my life in the hands of men. This reflected to me how traumatic, how broken, how abusive the relationship I had with my father was. 

If you're a woman, that father wound is so deep and so pivotal to shaping your relationships with men in your life. This is a fact that men who desire a wife need to understand. I have to say that while I'm not religious and I cannot say I'm Christian, that Christianity was extremely good for me in that it protected me from many relationships and potential pregnancies that could have stopped me from building the life of my dreams, and stopped me from ultimately meeting the husband of my dreams.

The dangerous part of Christianity, however, was that it was taking a toll on my mental health pretty significantly as I was celibate and isolating myself too much. I would torment myself from having natural human desires and even demonizing those desires or putting myself in positions to be in a relationship or connection with people who demonized who I was outside of Christianity as a mixed race and ethnic woman who practices indigenous and Buddhist philosophies as well. I was often demonized as a witch or satanic for being my natural self, and that was devastating to my spirit. So eventually, I left the Christian community, and I was diving back into my indigenous roots and love affairs –and that is a whole other story that I did write about in Women Connected in Wisdom Volume II.

I had enough time to explore many potential relationships. I had dates with so many diverse types of men, and all of them so amazing and so different. Through all those connections and relationships, I got to explore who I was. I'm grateful for all the men, even if it didn't work out romantically. Whether they knew it or not, they spiritually protected me, even if it seemed a kind of fantasy or innocent crush. For example, just having my energy focused on the possibility of a relationship with a man I admired and occasionally chatted with allowed me to let go of physically dating. This was critical to me devoting time to consciously creating my books and building my business. 

Let's fast forward to how I knew my husband was the one. This was a little bit after the period where I gave up on finding the perfect man. I detached from my Christian friends, and I was reclaiming who I was as a holistic person. I was also recovering from a potential "marriage" with a man that was really an illusion and was likely never a true intention. At that point, I had broken my celibacy. I was heartbroken that it did not work out with a man I broke my celibacy vow to God to, and I had been spiritually guided to stop working with the company I was working with, and there was no money coming in. I was so isolated, and it was just such a devastating point in my life. That's when I found out that my father was addicted to heroin, and this all put me in a vulnerable position. I would be attracted to a man who just showed me any type of attention. He could say charming things that were reasonable for what a Christian man would say, and I honestly fell for it. I wanted to believe it. I was so desperate not to be alone anymore after 5 years in solitude. I was truly suffering. The type of isolation a woman can feel when she's so young and without a father and does not have a strong presence to genuinely care for her, protect her, and unconditionally love her is extremely difficult. Life becomes an act of survival at that point. 

So it did not work out with the first man I entered a serious relationship with. It was a total mis-alignment of the values that I had been exploring for all those years, living in an alternative and holistic lifestyle. This relationship was built on deception and lies. I was making unfortunate choices in my life when I met him, but I was still genuine. I had entered a relationship with someone who was also hurting and in pain, but it's never going to be another person who can fill the voids in our hearts and our lives. 

I left that relationship, and I was again just focusing, getting back to the roots and the basics of why I moved to the mountains and started my own life to begin with. I let that relationship go along with most of what I had. I just knew I had to get out and heal. I'm not ready to talk about that experience more yet, but it will come in time. I was healing and returning to my soul when I met my husband, Richard. I had returned to farming, writing, and coaching – enjoying my peace, sovereignty, and restoring my faith within. I wasn't totally detached from the hope and promise that I would meet my husband at some point. But I was still fixated on men in my past because that's what our brain does – to automatically revert to what is known and familiar, even if that known and familiar is toxic and not good for us. I was entertaining relationship potentials, though they would never really fully satisfy me and everything that I did, and did not know I wanted, out of life.

When I met Richard, when we made eye contact for the first time, I just thought how kind his eyes were. They were so warm and inviting, and being around him just felt safe. I got to observe him as we were working in the same community. He was mentoring children, and that was one of the biggest values on my list with God: was that he had to be a safe and reliable man because of my recovery from child abuse and my desire to be a mother and a wife. I was studying Richard, and the thing about this man is he was totally at peace with himself. When he looked at me, there was no lust in his eyes for sex or success. This man was truly enjoying himself and what he was doing. He was focused on empowering the kids he was working with and empowering everyone around him. His behavior was of humility and quiet confidence. He's so sure of himself; he's not trying to prove himself to the world or still become anybody. He is truly existing in his highest vibration.

I never pursued him. I did not crave something from him. He gradually became more handsome, more attractive to me. I dated men with all kinds of amazing body builds and fascinating lives, but he was just a regular guy. He was a school teacher with nothing super magical about him, but it was the kindness in his eyes that captivated me. When we started talking and going on dates, we could genuinely spend so many hours of time together and just gaze into each other's eyes and not get bored or uncomfortable or afraid. 

And that was never the case with any man I dated, I realized. I don't remember that kind of eye contact with another man, and if we did have serious eye contact like that, it ended shortly after because the eyes are truly the window of the soul. Richard pursued me. It was God who spoke to him first about me being the woman for him, I just had to keep my mind and my heart open. 

He was not actively looking for a wife, though his spiritual journey was similar to mine. He had this moment with God that he will tell you is the most extraordinary moment he's had in his sober life where his higher spirit spoke to him of who I was. And since our first date, he always showed up and treated me as if I was the woman he would marry. He never left me waiting or guessing about his intentions or who he was. He was always clear and transparent about who he was from the front– no lies, no illusions, no other women in the picture. It was just me, and it was so refreshing and everything I needed to continue on my healing journey. It was the safety, the calm, and the peace that continued in his presence that allowed me to truly surrender and let God reveal to me that he was my husband.

Richard and I ended up getting married a couple of months later, and we were inseparable after that summer. Nothing about it was forced; it was all completely natural. It was all so new for me, being in the presence of a man who wants nothing but the best for me, to keep me safe, and see me happy. It is the sweetest healing I could ever need, and I knew that this was not only how Jesus would love me and how the universe could love me but also how I could love myself and the broken girl I've been trying to heal for so long. I just knew he would be an amazing husband and be an amazing father to children, and he has yet to prove me wrong in any of that. 

That's my story. I hope it helps someone. If you'd like some relationship advice along your own spiritual journey, feel free to reach out to me and book a one-on-one session. And if you're a coach like me or you have a business that is helping people develop healthier relationships – whether that's in business, community, or within families, let me know how I can possibly help support you in building that agency or that project that you have.

I believe we're part of the soul collective, this wave of human beings that are learning to trust God within us. We are learning that peace and safety of our soul is most true, especially regarding who we should be and the choices we should be making in love and family relationships. 

Let me know what you think about my story, and maybe share a little bit of yours as well. 

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